If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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