Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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