Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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