You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
