I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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