I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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