at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
