that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
