We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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