dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
