peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
