nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
