Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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