God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Randomize
