Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
