he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
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While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
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Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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