I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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