There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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