Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My vagina just recognized that song.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
