very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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