If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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