he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
