i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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