I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
