Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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