$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
