you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
its liver damage thursday
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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