I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
