Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We're too hungover to prance.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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