i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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