i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
