Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
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How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
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I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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