I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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