before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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