new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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