I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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