god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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