Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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