Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
