bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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