I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
