and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
