I don't usually arrange sex via text message
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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