they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
