walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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