I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
please come you make the beer taste better
it glows. i had to have it.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
