i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
