So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
