yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Welp...herpes.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
