im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
