My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he shaved USA in his pubs
my shit smells like andre
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
