It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
