Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
