It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
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Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
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It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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