he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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