Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
