They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
