you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
