she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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