I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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