the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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