Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
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