is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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