dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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