it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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