Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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