Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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