I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
pop tarts are not kleenex
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
