whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
