So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
