just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
