apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
