Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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