1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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