It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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