mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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