the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
