I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
